I had an epiphany today.
It was my second day of training for a new job, and we were role-playing and running mock situations. When I was presented with the information in a step-by-step manner and given a chance to practice things until I got them right, I excelled, and felt eager to learn more.
When I was asked to do things for which I felt insufficiently prepared, where I wasn’t sure I knew the correct way to act, and where I didn’t have a good foundation to draw upon, I not only felt slightly panicky – I also felt resentful. My voice rose about an octave and my words in asking to go back a level and start from a place I understood were rushed and even quavery at times. I knew that if I was pressed to go further into more complicated scenarios without getting a chance to feel secure about what I had to do thus far, I was going to have a mini-meltdown, and that my behavior wouldn’t be attractive or appropriate.
I was fortunate that the two times in the last two days I had these reactions, my trainer listened to me, and backed off. I was relieved that my increasing discomfort was both noticed and addressed without censure. And given the opportunity to learn at my pace and in the way that felt best to me, I performed beyond my trainer’s level of expectation when we returned to the advanced scenario.
Afterwards, I thought: This is how the horses feel. This is the same chain of actions and reactions, the same emotions, the same principles at work. I get it.
So many times I understand something on an intellectual level without grounding that knowledge in a viceral way. I am then unable to use the concept with consistency, since I don’t own the knowledge. I don’t feel it; I just think it. I grasp it, but I can’t live it, since it isn’t a part of me.
And then, after floating around in my mind for ages, I will experience something that allows the empathetic part of my self to come forward, and suddenly I get it, down to my bones.
Yes that is exactly how the horse feels when it is asked to do something and it doesn’t have a clue how to go about honoring the request. Then when some unthinking humans punish them for not coming through, many horses are ruined.
That was a great analogy between your work and how a horse learns(or doesn’t learn). More riders/trainers should realize this and know that they must take it slow and help the horse to understand what it is they want from their training session, and if the horse and or rider is a bit confused, always go back until everyone is one the same page and smiling.
MiKael, GHM, I think the biggest thing I need to work on, especially with Mojo, is differentiating between the “I don’t want to” and the “I don’t know how to”. It can be tricky. What yesterday emphasized to me was the need to really listen to what the horse is saying via body language. I always think that I am listening, but I could do better.
That’s a good realization — something I can chew on for a while.
NuzMuz, I agree – I’ll be thinking about how that translates into action a lot in the upcoming weeks.